Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize