When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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