the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
