So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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