How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
