zippers are such a cool invention
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
