i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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