I want to stick my p in your. b.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize