dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
