It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
