Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
