On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
