Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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