dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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