I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
