dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
