is your mom at the bar?
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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