Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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