2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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