I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
