I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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