Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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