So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My ass is underappreciated
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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