i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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