I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
birth control should be required to get into college
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
