it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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