This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize