did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
