Can i not drive my cunt home
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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