Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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