i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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