he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
