when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
