sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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