you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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