he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
