Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
