I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Farmville is her only friend.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
