I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
