the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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