i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
