i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
