i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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