Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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