so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
