I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
