I want to walk on stilts...naked
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
