If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
