babies were throwing up all over the place
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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