we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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