Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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