Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize