dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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