Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
