We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I got inside last night via doggy door
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
