proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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