How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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