Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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