u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
