What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
