I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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