Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
