apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize