why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
